I completely forgot to write yesterday. I tried to get some reading done before I went to work at 5 yesterday, but I didn’t accomplish much. What’s new? The jackpot for the Wisconsin Lottery’s Powerball was 140 million. I bought 4 tickets, and didn’t win anything. I am happy to know, however, that nobody else won the jackpot either. That means I will win it on Wednesday, when the jackpot is 160 million. Yea! I really felt lonely last night. I was thinking so much about Ryan, I wrote this poem:
Ryan Ge. is my true love
Obsessing over him
Wishing I was with him
These feelings overwhelm me
Jenny is a new friend of Ryan’s
She’s just like him in every way
Perfect lovers they would make
Though this hurts me to say
At the dance, they talked and talked
He’s not straight
But he longs to be normal
But what is normal?
He chose her and not me
Why this is I cannot see
If only he did what his body wanted him to do
But alas, I would have done the same thing too
I’m pretty torn over him. Only time can tell what will happen.
Now moving on to today-
I woke up and went to church. Then at noon I walked home and started to do my homework, which mainly is reading. Right now I am taking a break from reading. I’ve read about 150 pages, and I have 350 to go. I don’t have to have it done for another week at least, but I know that if I don’t hack away at it this weekend, I will never finish. My life stinks. No it doesn’t. I’m just not thinking straight.
Partly inspired by my sadness caused by Ryan’s many talents, I bought a clarinet. Hopefully I will have it by this week, and I can re-learn how to play it. I normally would not have chosen the clarinet–well maybe I would have. But what I was going to say was I bought a clarinet because I started taking lessons for under a year in playing the clarinet, so I should be able to remember the basics. That way I am not starting from scratch.
After I become okay with the clarinet, I might choose to play something else, or continue with it. I am doing this all in my spare time in the privacy of my room by the way. I have not any time for lessons, and I’m not confident enough to join band at school. Possibly in the future, but for now I am teaching myself.
I’m not happy with myself. I want to write a good poem, or a story or a book or something. I want to paint a work of art, or draw an excellent picture. I think my next drawing is going to be a copy of a photo of me with a sad face and my hand making the ‘I Love You’ sign. Then I’ll scan it and show Ryan.
I might write more tonight after I get more reading done. Sayanara for now.